Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
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My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
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There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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