It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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