see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
