if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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