This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
