i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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