guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
