She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
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all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
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I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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