I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
