I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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