hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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