I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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