Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i love accidental penises.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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