Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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