I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
