Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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