If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
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Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
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Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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