just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
