I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize