i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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