Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
