I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
