If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
In America we eat man semen.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
