It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
