i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
