420 ftw
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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