Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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