I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
