Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
