My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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