so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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