Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
