My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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