every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
