My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
