I accidentally had phone sex last night
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
