dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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