Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
