I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
