Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
