it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
