I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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