she was so not down for the gang bang
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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