I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
