I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
