my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
