so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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