I'm drive I can fine osifer
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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