Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
