I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
