My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
