You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
