none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
