Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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