i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
