Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just want nice things and good sex
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
