Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
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