yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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