I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
