I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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