She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
