ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
