hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
