oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
