i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
