My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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