my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
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We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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