Ambien. No doubt about it.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
