Kareoke will never be a sober sport
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize