jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
