I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
