For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
