But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
