You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
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I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
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You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
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